“Just get over it…”
That’s usually the goal, isn’t it?
It’s happened to all of us: You un-wrap a fastfood burger- the one you’ve been looking forward to all day long- the one you custom ordered; but lusty indulgence soon turns into disappointment as you realize there’s mayo, the mayo you specifically requested they leave off. That’s not really something to get uptight over, unless you have some sort of food allergy. But it’s a dissapointment nonetheless. Do you let it spoil your day, or do you “get over it?” Hopefully the latter.
For those who have a history of abuse, or experienced any sort of tragic event- hearing someone say “just get over it” usually has a rather opposite effect.
Most people are well-meaning when they say it. Sometimes when we are wallowing in trivial matters, we need that trusted friend to give us a swift kick in the hind end. Sometimes we need encouragement to move past the heavier issues in our lives. There are those who try to get us over the hump, who want us to “get over it” because they love us, and want to see a victorious person resurrect out of the clay-heap of victimization:
No more stagnant lives wasted on the past, no more reference to what’s fallen behind; Keep your view straight ahead with your eye on the prize!
I can think of so many more clichés I’ve heard over the years- not that they are all bad, or even false.
It’s just that in order to “get over it,” You must first acknowledge and have some understanding of what you are “getting over.” Then there’s the process of grief, of anger, of fear…
In my opinion, defining this experience, and the time needed for healing varies with each individual, depending on (here’s that word again)- Worldview.
When a person has been abused, they need acknowledgement, a safe place for honesty and expression of thoughts and feelings – raw emotion without judgment. Guidance would probably fit better. We need to set it out there and let it be what it is. Don’t be surprised if this makes others uncomfortable. Some may believe there’s just no sense it that, just pack that ugly stuff away and get on with the day. But this just shortchanges one from true healing. It works for the outsider, not for the one holding the bag.